Heal: Don’t Rush Yourself

Hey y’all,

Today were going to talk about a rough topic:

Healing.

To begin, this topic I had to acknowledge a simple truth:

Healing isn’t linear.

In this time of quarantine, many of us have had extra time to reflect and be introspective. For the most part, I can say that I have tried to be aware of my shortcomings, but also commend myself for how I am growing. This past weekend, I visited a place that was full of triggers of a past relationship. Although, I remained busy, and tried to focus on the people I was with, I couldn’t help but reminisce. For a little background, this relationship has been over for about three years. This is something that I have written about, cried over, talked to a therapist about…like I should be completely over it. Right? Well, the reality is that our emotions do not adhere to our timeline. Yes, for the most part I am over it. I don’t feel the same intensity of pain, but from time to time I am reminded of the loss.

Usually, when this loss crosses my mind it is unconsciously. Y’all know what I mean. You be sleeping, minding your business, then boom. People that no longer belong in you mental space creep their way into you dream. Often, for me at least, the dream then leads to waking thoughts of the person. Truthfully, a year or so into this loss I would really beat myself up whenever something like this happened. But, this time, I am granting myself grace. It is okay for me to feel the loss of the relationship. It is okay to acknowledge the pain, but also admit there were positive moments. It is okay for me to acknowledge that losing the relationship left a space in my social circle. A space that has yet to be filled. It’s okay to acknowledge that there are aspects of my life I can’t recall without associating the relationship. It is okay.

It is normal. Human beings are complex. So, it would stand to reason that our relationships would also be complex. Often, in the midst of some of my most painful memories I easily recall pockets of laughter. Maybe, it’s a defense mechanism, I don’t know. But whatever the cause, it is okay to feel those things.

People often paint forgiveness, healing, and growth as linear journeys. The truth is that they’re winding roads. Often, it can feel like we haven’t moved at all. You may feel like you should be past something, but grant yourself grace. As long as you keep going, that is all that matters. Just keeping going. Your journey doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s.

If you are having trouble navigating these complex feelings, I have a few suggestions

1. Pray about it. Turn it over to God. This is not a one time action. Do this as many times as necessary.
2. Express yourself. Journal, make music, paint, do whatever you do to release your emotions.
3. Seek help. Go to therapy if possible. Talk with trusted friends. Find a person you can be honest, and transparent with. A safe, non-judgmental, and attentive person. If a person like this isn’t available to you consider using some of the resources below.
4. Be kind to yourself. You are valuable. You are worth however much time it takes to heal. You deserve to heal. You deserve love. Especially, self-love. Don’t withhold good things from yourself, that includes kindness, compassion, and grace.

Much love friends!

What are some quotes or resources you use to encourage yourself?

Comment Below!

Resources

https://www.crisistextline.org/

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/find-help/index.shtml

https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

Feel free to add additional resources in the comment section 🙂